It’s a bit weird being in the Caribbean and France at the same time. It’s also a source of great comedy. Caribbean France is still full of people with obnoxious accents, less friendly than any of their neighbouring countries, selling food that’s pitifully overrated.

In fairness Martinique does have one major advantage over the rest of France: Fort-de-France actually has clean streets. I’ll acknowledge that.

Really though the only attraction this whole island offers is mobile phone coverage under EU laws, meaning I can actually afford to use my phone here. Ironically that’s damaging local businesses as I’m tethering from onboard ship instead of paying for a cafe with wifi.

That’s not the only source of dry humour. After four cruises in the Pacific, South-East Asia, Central America and much of the Caribbean it’s only in France that any of the ships has to put out a strong message to ward off trouble.

I didn’t even see anybody in a yellow vest.

I am however going to have to post this and move, because some irritating American cunt just sat behind me being noisy as fuck and I need to move or punch him.

[Sat somewhere new and quieter now. My ire was justified: Even another American got up and moved at the same time that I did, and told me it was for the same reason]